alright so i don't normally like writing blogs...i find other people's blogs to be very interesting and recently discovered that some people are way more insightful than i could have ever imagined! Convinced by john...as he knows full well i'm about to have another nervous break down...i decided to take his advice and instead of "being bored with too much free time to think about nothing" i'm going to write a blog :) it's my first! :) that's right people! i'm a blog virgin so you'll have to bear with me cuz this may be a rough ride! :)

so lately there has been a bit of a struggle with the aspect of placements and what in the world the poor counselling students are going to do! I finally received a notification of a placement just in time to go there and be told basically that it's not going to happen. it's like she looked at me (20 years old with an american accent) and almost had a heart attack! needless to say my heart started beating a lil faster and the panic began to set in as it is a week or so until classes start and i am one of the few students who HAS to leave on a specific day which leaves BARELY any room for mistakes! :) i just found out today that she arranged another placement for me in the city! we'll have to wait and see how this one pans out...ok but enough about placement because anyone who knows me at all is sick of hearing about it and SO AM I! :) so on we go!

i've been thinking recently about my time in australia. as it approaches the 16th that not only means that another cycle is up on my online banking but it also means that it's quickly coming up on the 6th month that i've been here which gets me thinking...6 months great...what do i have to show for it? the majority of tourist stuff for victoria and tassie was done with my padre...and the rest? school school more school vacation to ayers rock and OUT of the country followed by recouperation and then back to school :) don't get me wrong! my time here has not been spent unwisely...but as i approach the 6 month of being here mark i can't help but think of it as only 4 months left! that is the thought that drives me crazy! it would be horrid to be back in the states wishing that i had done more with my time here because after all i did come here for school so i would have enough time to see everything and do everything possible! yes jon i know you think melbourne's boring as hell and all of yoru friends are dying here with nothing to do but there really is SO MUCH to do! i think it's because yall have 4 years here...seems as tho you have all the time in the world but i don't even think new zealand is going to be able to happen for me anymore! and to think that is where i originally was going to go to school! it's so funny how times change...

times change...places change...and most importantly people change...my other main fear that i've been running over and over in my mind is the fact that i miss home...and yet home doesn't even exist anymore. as far as the home that i was raised in well...the back yard of forest and trees and woodland is now clearcutted...my car has been sold and totalled...my neighbours will most likely be different people...and one of my kittens...MY kitty...won't be there anymore...anacortes will most likely be taken over by rich snobs looking for a beautiful place to retire...my friends are all at college only to be home for the month of december i'd assume for winter break then back off to their separate parts of the world...my family is incomplete without my sissy at home and my friends...well i barely know who they are anymore...friends attempt to tell me what's going on with them like i've been there...i never know the full story some of which they "can't tell me" for reasons unknown to me...newsflash erin! the world goes on without you! ...i never knew... and i most DEFINITELY did not give my permission for this nonsense to happen! :) i think what it comes down to is that i find myself being a bit homesick cuz i miss flan and my family but at the same time i'm terrified to go back and see that it's not all the same...cuz that will mean it actually happened and i can't pretend like all is well anymore...

in a way i just want to stay in australia forever and experience all i can here

in the same way i just want to go home and live with my parents and eat home cooked meals and sleep in my big comfy bed with my catS and my car and my friends...

i've had everything planned out till now...ever since i was about 12 or so i knew i was going to finish off my schooling in australia...and it's worked out lovely till now...i just forgot to plan what happens next...just that one minor flaw in the plan has left me in thousands of miles (or kilometers) away from home feeling more lost than i ever have in my entire life. a girl needs direction people! or at least this girl does! :) i'm nothing without a goal and as of now i don't believe that i have one! :) a long term one at least...passing classes MUST occur :)

ok after taking a break for the night i have decided to finish this blog up and be done with it! i talked to my flanny this afternoon and had much new light shed on my ongoing boy problems hoping to put a stop to the INSANITY that's been going on! so thank you flanny! i absolutely adore you and you make it MUCH easier to be me! :) i love you girly!!!! i can't wait to see you (even tho i do love it here too) :) hehe ok continuing on with the blog...

one last thing before i stop being your brief break in being bored...i feel at home here!...i know it sounds strange (at least i know it sounds strange to me)...i'm in a strange place where i have no idea who anyone is! :) how can it feel like home? but last night i was making cereal and for some reason i refused to turn on the lights...there i was...wandering around my kitchen in the dark attempting to find all the necessities one needs to make a bowl of cereal...spoon...bowl...cereal...milk...and u know what??? i knew where everything was! i've memorised the cabinets...the drawers...where exactly in the cupboard my cereal is and where each item of food is in the fridge (yes i know the light goes on when u open the fridge door but i didn't need to look!) i'm in a palace here...a mansion...i feel like a princess (except for the moment when i walk into the garage and hop on my bicycle) ;) i have a dog and yet don't have to pay for food...walk her...or bathe her! i just get to pet her and love her whenever i want! my housing could not have been better except for the distance from uni! i am beyond spoiled here with a dog, awesome roomies, a gym and supermarket i can walk to, and my wonderful bed that i fit in! :) i'm going to miss it here and can't believe that i only have not even 5 months left! i want to go out and experience melbourne and oz and everything that there is to do here! :) so BEWARE! Erin is ON IT! :) since my placement is in the city i will hopefully get to explore a bit more! sooo i'm out for now but thanks for reading and i will chat with yall later (in less scattered thoughts and a more organized form of course) :) so this is the conclusion of "erin's crazy jumbled thoughts" and i hope you enjoyed and aren't tooo scarred by the entire thing! :) ENJOY OZ! cuz you're experience will be gone in no time!!!